Missing Jon

There's no rhyme or reason to why I miss Jon some times more than other times. Right now seems like one of those times. While the kids and I were evacuating, I found myself missing him for selfish reasons. It's tough to get a house ready for evacuating while also watching three children, two cats, a guinea pig and a brand new puppy. Thankfully my mom was there helping me through it all, but it's not the same.

Now that things are slightly back to normal (because of the hurricane) I find that I'm missing him even more. When I take the kids anywhere and I see dads with their kids, my heart breaks. Jon should be out with the kids (and with me!) at the park or at the movies or just swinging them in the yard. How can I be so jealous and still not wish anyone the same sadness we're going through?

I'm not going to write much more tonight because it doesn't seem to be helping me. Really it's only made it worse tonight. Besides, it's 8:20, Anna is attempting to do her homework while the other two sound like they're bouncing and hollering like a couple of monkeys. I'll be off to participate in the nightly rituals of getting everybody off to bed.

I'll end with this. Although I KNOW I am blessed, beyond what words can express, to have been loved by Jon and to have been married to him for almost 9 years, to have three beautiful children that are a testament to our relationship, to continue to have the love and support of family, friends and loved ones, there are days when that is just not enough and I want to stomp my feet like a 5 year old brat and scream, "IT'S NOT FAIR!"