Prayer Answered Through A Fortune Cookie

Last night the kids and I went out for Chinese food and surprisingly ended up having dinner with my Uncle Dan, my mom's brother. Dinner was very enjoyable and delicious. The kids weren't terribly impressed (and neither was I) with their fortunes which is always disappointing, right? This is what prompted my post this evening.

Many of you have already heard this story, so please endure it again.

Exactly one week to the day of Jon's funeral, Anna had her second grade music performance for school. My mom, the kids and I got ready and headed up to the school to see the program. Of course the program was very good. It was tough for me, but I managed to keep it together, even though all I could think about was the fact that her daddy should have and would have been there to see her sing her little heart out. Needless to say, it was heartbreaking. Still, I kept it together...until the last song..."Love Can Build A Bridge". I cried (and thankfully didn't smear mascara all over my face since I was still at the point of never wearing make up since I never knew when the grief monster was going to appear). After the program, I put on my best happy face and hugged Anna. Anna was very watchful of my emotions during this time and I did try my best to be brave and strong for her sake. Even so, after the emotional ride, I was unable to stop crying completely for the rest of the afternoon.

Fast forward to that evening. My mom was still pretty much staying with us 24/7. Ella and Brennan were watching T.V. downstairs and Anna was playing the XBOX upstairs. Me, I was on the couch with the events of Jon's passing going through my mind like a scary, sad, horrible bad dream. I couldn't shake it. The feelings that I had can only be referred to as gut-wrenching. Pain that you feel in the pit of your stomach and nothing makes it feel any better at all. I tried going upstairs and play with Anna, but all I could think about was how Jon used to play with her on this game system and how he never would again. I started to cry again and could not stop myself this time. No matter how hard I tried. My mom suggested I take a shower or a hot bath. I went into my room, shut and locked the door. I went into my bathroom, shut and locked the door. I went into Jon's closet and crumbled to the floor and sobbed. Words can not express my pain. In my sadness and feelings of despair I prayed. I prayed for Heavenly Father to take the awful pain away from me. I didn't ask, but I told him that I needed to feel Jon's love for me and I wanted Jon to feel my love for him. That was it. Somehow, feeling a little better, I managed to get through a shower and amazingly gained enough composure to head back into the living room where my mom and the kids were. My mom was sitting in the sunroom and I went to sit on the couch in there. Anna came over to me, sat on my lap and asked if she could have a chocolate covered fortune cookie. It was a couple of days after Valentine's Day, and these fortune cookies had been given to me by one of my students and brought over to the house by friends that I worked with. I told Anna to get the fortune cookies and I'd open one up for her. They came in one of those cute little containers that is used for Chinese take-out. Opening the container, I took the first one out, cracked it open and read the fortune. It read, "Your love will continue to call, no matter how distant the shore." Remember my prayer, less than 15 or 20 minutes before?

My prayer had been answered by a fortune cookie. I believe that. After crying, not the painful shedding of tears as just a few minutes before, but this time, the tears were because of the love I felt from Jon and from my Heavenly Father, who allowed me to feel that love.

Being the pessimist that I am, after a couple of days, I decided that I would go through the other fortunes in the container. Who knew, maybe they were all really great fortunes. Not a one came even close to the one we opened first.

That fortune cookie and its powerful message gave me indescribable strength that carried me on and continues bringing me comfort in knowing that Jon's love for us all is stronger than his death.